[ 2 min read ]
I hear it right and left.
That’s what we all are as parents. Proud.
Never or almost never of ourselves.
Always of someone else. Some other member of our family.
We don’t say it to ourselves. We almost never hear from ourselves “I’m proud of myself” or “I’m proud of you” (when we prefer to address ourselves this way).
It’s like the word ‘proud’ wasn’t meant to be used when we think of ourselves and our achievements.
As if it was bad to be proud of ourselves. As if it was only OK to hear it from other people. As if it was only legit when others offer us their validation. As if it was not appropriate to receive validation from ourselves.
I think that telling other people “I’m so proud of you” sucks.
I don’t care if they’re proud of me.
I don’t strive to be proud of them.
I care only if I’m proud of myself.
Everyone should strive to be proud of himself or herself.
It’s a flawed idea that we should make members of our clans (families) proud.
When we obsess about making them proud we fail to live our lives the way we want. We inevitably cater to their expectations, dreams and needs and forgo our own dreams and needs.
This can only lead to a society of broken people who are constantly frustrated because they can’t live according to their versions of happiness and success. They always worry what their families will say. They are crippled by it.
If we tell people “I’m so proud of you” we‘re sending them a message that our opinion is important, when, in reality, it isn’t.
People should be able to freely choose their occupations, lifestyle and life philosophy. They should not care if someone else approves of it or not. What if the other person is full of crap?
But since this cliché phrase is so common among people, I get this strange feeling that I’m doing something wrong. That they are right and I’m wrong. That I should use it the way most people use it. To validate other family members (my son in particular). And behave in such a way that I will hear it from them.
But you know what? F*ck that! I won’t yield to this bullshit pressure.
I’ll do things my way. I’m not saying I’m right and they’re wrong. I’m saying: I’ll do things my way regardless.
99,99% of people might do it differently. So what? Does it mean they’re right and I’m wrong? And that I should adjust?
No. All it means is I’m not part of the mainstream.