[ 2 min read ]
I think we mistake the feeling of staying in our comfort zones (‘affinity’) for ‘love’.
Can love be effortless? Of course — all depends on how we define something.
And I guess with love situation is really problematic as most people never ponder what this word really means or could mean. They assume they know. It’s one of those words which doesn’t need explanation, they think.
I guess what we call ‘love’ is usually effortless and it should be the opposite. It should be challanging. If it comes easily it’s something else (something we mistake for love). Regardless of our definition, I think they are completely different things, the ‘love’ we talk about when we feel good — when it’s all about us and our feelings (in a company of people we like, who are like-minded, who have the same view on life, behave like us, etc.) and the ‘love’ we show others — when it’s all about them and their feelings (those whose company makes us uncomfortable or pisses us of, who aren’t like-minded, who have a different view on life, don’t behave like us, etc.).
Usually we don’t tell people that we love them if they’re different than us and when certain personality traits we see in them piss us off. Where there are difficulties, misunderstandings, conflicting opinions, different worldviews or life philosophies, love usually is nonexistent. Something else takes its place. Intolerance, prejudice, hatred. That’s when everything is most likely to go south. And those are precisely the conditions where love would make all the difference. Those are the conditions which are necessary if we are to show our love. Without them can we speak of showing our love?
Where there are no difficulties, misunderstandings, conflicting opinions, different worldviews, life philosophies, or behaviors, what role does love have to play? None. I guess we could do without it. Easily. Why? Because it’s that easy. And I think as a matter of fact, we’re doing without it. We speak about love, but I guess we mistake affinity for love.
I mean, I can say “I love you” when I feel good and basically am able to stay in my comfort zone (there are no difficulties, misunderstandings, conflicting opinions, different worldviews or life philosophies, behaviors, etc.) but what’s the point? I merely said to that person that I like the fact that I can stay in my comfort zone. Well, lucky me, but why should the other person care? Why should it matter to him or her? If we understand each other perfectly we’re both lucky and that’s all. Not a particularly difficult thing to achieve, love each other (or rather tell each other how good we both feel).
That’s why I think really understanding the word ‘love’ is so important. And most of us assume that we know what it means when in reality we have no freaking idea.