[ 2 min read ]
My adoptive mother said I shouldn’t have studied law. It wasn’t a good choice looking back, she said.
My mother-in-law said I should have studied philosophy.
They’re both wrong. So wrong.
There is nothing I should have done instead of what I did.
There is nowhere I should have been instead of where I was.
There is nobody I should have listened to but didn’t.
There is nobody I should have reached out to but didn’t.
There is no other epoch in which I should have been born.
There is no other place in which I should have been born.
Wrong is the idea that something was wrong. That something could have been better.
If something could have been better, to me it automatically means that it also could have been worse.
And this idea that it could have been perfect. So wrong! So sick!
Looking back at your life and saying I should or shouldn’t have done this or that or I should or shouldn’t have been somewhere (should have been somewhere else) makes no sense at all.
If can’t go back and change any of it pondering alternative courses of action makes no sense at all.
What makes sense?
Looking at the next week, day, hour, minute, second even, and asking yourself Is this how I want to spend my time? Is this how I want to spend the rest of my life? Is this where I want to be today? Is this where I want to be tomorrow?
These things make sense to me. And remembering that I should never be entitled — to seeing any of my plans play out the way I want, for there is no guarantee.
Not fantasizing about the past. This makes no sense. The past is gone. Unreachable, unalterable. Unable to be lived out again.
I won’t go back. The only movement in time, the only direction that is available to me is forward. As a matter of fact I don’t even need to do anything, I’ll move there anyway, whether I like it or not. Tomorrow will be today. Today will be yesterday. That’s how it is.