You Have The Right Not To
Make Your Parents Proud
There are thousands of questions from young people on the Internet, who are uncertain whether they should prioritize their own needs and dreams, or do what their parents (families) want, or expect from them.
- How do I convince my parents to let me pursue my career in the fitness industry?
- How will you break the news that you want to be an artist rather than a doctor? I have really non-cooperative parents who don’t understand.
- How do you handle your parents once you're twenty years old, and they don't understand your choices in life?
- Should I follow my passion or my parents’ dream?
- How can I convince my parents that I don't want to marry, without hurting them?
- Is it selfish of me to pursue my own path in life rather than the one my parents have worked hard to provide for me?
- What can I do when my dad makes his own plans about my future but I have my own?
- Our parents are not accepting our love. What should we do?
- I am a Muslim girl and I want to leave my religion. My parents will never talk to me. Do you think I should leave?
- Is it worth telling my parents that I'm an atheist?
- I'm 13, and I want to be a magician, but my mom is completely against it. She takes my cards, and discourages me from doing magic. What should I do?
- Should I do what I want to do or what my parents want me to do?
- I don't want to go to college, but my parents want me to. What should I do?
- How do you say no to your parents?
- How do I deal with my parents expectations?
- My parents control my life, they blackmail me and I am so unhappy with my life, what should I do?
- How do I convince my parents to let me become an actor?
- How do I tell my dad that I don't want to follow in his career footsteps?
- I am 21 years old girl. I want to remain single throughout my life. My family wants me to live a married life. How do I convince them?
- If you were to choose between family and freedom (of thoughts and action), what would you choose and why?
- How do you keep your family from pressuring you into life and career decisions that you don't want to make?
- My parents threatened to disown me if I don't pick a STEM major. How do I convince them otherwise?
- How do I convince my parents to let me study to become an English teacher?
- My parents want me to be a doctor but I like programming. How can I convince them to change their mind?
Those are a few examples of the questions I answered on Quora.
I noticed a pattern. Those who ask the questions worry that by making their independent life choices they will upset their parents or whole families.
Turns out even having thoughts about being different than your parents (most of your family) seems risky. The imprint you have since childhood, the beliefs you soaked up, the taboo aura - you can be 100% sure those things will make you feel bad about having those thoughts.
And being different than your parents and other members of your family is way more dangerous. You might get rejected, disowned, kicked out. You run a great risk of being hated on. You become one of those bad people (traitors, black sheep). You as a person are a problem and a source of many problems. And that’s enough of a reason for you to feel guilty, or be ashamed of yourself.
Is this fear of being different or even discussing problematic issues that arise in families all over the world something we should accept as inevitable? Should we watch as young adults, generation after generation, yield to the family pressure, because they lack coping mechanisms (alternative narratives)?
Can’t we challenge those fears and beliefs? Why shouldn’t we do something in order to eliminate those fears and start living the lives we want?
That’s why I decided to break this taboo and talk about things almost nobody talks about.
I'm confident that this book can change young people's lives, enabling them to live their lives the way they want, not the way their parents or other members of their families want.
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The Game All Parents Play:
All Young Adults Crippled By Their Unsupportive Parents’ Behavior Need To Understand To Finally Get Ahead In Their Lives
In this book I decided to offer you some ideas why our parents (your parents, my parents, why all parents in this world) act the way the do in relation to their children and why it’s useless to want it to be any different.
We debate with our friends, vent to them, share with them our outrage, ask why our parents couldn’t act differently, and yet most of those behaviors of all the parents in this world won’t change. Why? Because that’s how we’re wired.
You get upset, become angry with them, even want to cut throats. I get it. All of it. And there is nothing bad that you feel this way about your parents. After all they pissed you off and they continue to piss you off.
They can even hurt your chances of having a peaceful life. Some of us may even need a decade’s worth of therapy (and several different specialists) after leaving their home, before we will be able to stand firm on our feet. By all means, such things can happen to us.
So, should you read this book providing that I will explain those #$@^#%#&@ (meaning your parents)?
I think we can all benefit from knowing what causes people to act certain way, especially if those people are the closest people we know, and if they’ll still be part of our lives, even when we will move out of their house.
This book consists of three parts. In part one I give you my own theory (of a human being living on earth) why all parents are so freaking protective of their offspring and why most of them freak out when their children have their own idea how to live their lives. In part two I described the concrete consequences of our parents’ biased thinking about their offspring, in other words what they do as a result of their thinking. In part three I offer you (the young adult who feels that his / her parents or family is holding him / her back) a concrete advice on how to handle your parents’ behavior (counteract) but, and it’s way more important, how to handle yourself during this difficult rocky time.
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The 44 Success Principles
by an unimportant, young looking 40 year old man who doesn’t care if his family has a reason to brag about him, and who thinks that getting a practical college degree is the least practical thing people can do
This book is a collection of 44 diary entries (blog posts) I wrote in the span of two months from September 2017 to November 2017 as a 40 year old man in the early stage of his newly discovered passion.
What makes me qualified to give people advice on success? Shouldn’t advice on success be given by people who achieved some kind of conventional success (made a lot of money, have been acknowledged by their industry, won prizes, have tens or hundreds of thousands, or even millions of followers, etc.)?
To be honest with you as I’m writing those words I have none of the above. As a matter of fact most people would say that I should give advice on how to screw it all up - how to bury your chances to be the “king of the world” (have a lot of money, nice house, drive a fancy car, wear a $ 10K suit and a $10K watch, have the respect of the majority of people who assume that being a lawyer in itself is a massive success - most people dream of having such a prestigious position in the society and all that comes with it).
It’s true, I invested heavily in getting this diploma and in additional education (3,5 years of additional studies) and to most people it is unthinkable that someone can decide not to stick to it, which means you’ll not be able to take advantage of it. Let’s be honest, to most people such move means you’re a loser, not a winner. You’re crazy to waste it all like that. My mom is definitely in this group of people.
But I beg to differ. I think that people who figured themselves out and who are doing in their lives the things they love have won regardless of how many figures they make annually, what car they drive and what watch they wear.
As Gary Vaynerchuck, who is my great inspiration and whose words helped people like myself to believe in themselves, always says “How you make your money is way more important than how much you make.”
My success is that I was able to transition to a different career while most people stick to their initial career choice because they lack the mindset which would allow them to switch to something else when they already found out that it is something they do only to pay their bills.
My success is also that I was able to stick it out. Transitioning to a different career is not easy (you’ll meet a lot of naysayers - people who will tell you what is and what isn’t possible, or what you can and can’t do), and finding what you love doing is even harder (all sorts of people want you to satisfy their needs at the expense of your own and they aren’t even aware of that - they’ll tell you you’re crazy to think this way).
But I guess my biggest success is that I managed to change my thinking about a parent-child relationship and I’m no longer crippled by most beliefs which young people soak up living with their parents and interacting with other members of their families and people from the same culture who talk in clichés (repeat the same bullshit rules and behaviors which are part of the tradition - about parenting, parent-child relationship, family, being a decent or grateful child / member of a family or overall a good human being). This allowed me to believe that what I’m doing is the right thing and freed me from any feeling of guilt.
This book contains everything I’ve learned from people who did it before me and helped many people just like me change their lives and also everything I managed to figure out by myself through my daily writing practice.