I don’t aim at nailing it. I aim at debating it (if only with myself), or at least exposing our biased thinking (if only to myself).
We always fear only our vision of what will happen, not the real thing

The hallmarks of 1980s upbringing

[ 1 min read ]

Copy of Adulthood smooth& tasty.

There were many cliché statements Lukasz’s parents used around him, and many of them were parenting cliché statements of the time.

One of them, and probably the biggest one, was Kids and fish have no voice which meant that kids shouldn’t share their ideas or opinions (especially about topics which adults discussed). Only recently Lukasz realized that this cliché, which bothered him so much when he was a child and an adolescent (because to him it simply meant that he couldn’t have his own ideas or opinions and that his ideas or opinions didn’t matter / nobody cared what his ideas or opinions were) actually didn’t say that children couldn’t have their own ideas or opinions — they only weren’t supposed to share them with adults. And he also realized recently that the assumption that his ideas or opinions didn’t matter at all also wasn’t the only way one could understand this damn cliché — his ideas or opinions could still be important, to him. However, it’s very unlikely that parents who used this cliché understood it this way — it’s much more likely that this favorable interpretation of it (that it contained this huge lesson for young people) wasn’t something they meant and wanted to convey to their children.

The other huge one was Parents are always right. So it basically meant that whatever they did they simply couldn’t screw up. And such must have been their belief as Lukasz can’t recall a single time when his mother or father would apologize to him. It wasn’t something parents were supposed to do. Parents were right about everything and only the child could screw up.