[ 4 min read ]
I think the key to coping after your life has just been ruined is realizing that, as a matter of fact, your life has not been ruined.
What I mean by that?
Shit (the unpleasant and unwanted events) is part of our lives. We don’t want shit in our lives, but whether we want it or not just doesn’t matter.
The things which happen to us in life (life itself) never ruin our lives (objectively speaking). It is life. They are part of life. They are life.
Your life can only be ruined (or it is better to say that your life will become unbearable, a terrible experience) if you have unreasonable expectations towards it. If you believe that certain unpleasant things shouldn’t happen to you.
Your life can only be ruined in your head. Objectively it can never be ruined. Life just is. It is what it is. It won’t be different because we wish it were different.
It’s this ridiculous expectation in us that certain things shouldn’t happen in our lives (that what was part of our lives shouldn’t have been this part — because, I don’t know, we’re entitled to a better version of life) that will ruin a person’s perception of life and consequently make it a miserable experience.
It equally applies to all atrocities, although I can imagine that people who went through some hardcore stuff in life (like the horrors of war for example) will have a much harder time accepting this truth.
But for the majority of people? They talk about minor stuff. Like a bad career choice, a broken relationship, a divorce of their parents, being lost in youth, having no friends in school, being bullied, controlling parents, a tiger mother, disownment, being put up for adoption, family conflict, sibling rivalry, not being ambitious enough in youth, not being able to go to college, being offered a terrible life advice, death of a parent, prolonged illness, ADHD, dyslexia, failure, loss of money, not having support from their parents (family), parenting mistakes, etc.
Basically all of it is called life. Those are normal parts of life, just like happy moments, wins, successes, achievements, etc.
I’m fascinated by people’s wishful thinking. Where did all these people (the overwhelming majority of the society) got this weird idea that only good things (good for them — in line with their wishful thinking) should happen? Who the hell started this? Who first came up with the idea that these bad things are not normal parts of a life of a human being on earth?
It’s their entitlement that is killing all these people. They all wish life or the world was different (better, in line with their desires).
Guess what! Neither life nor the world gives a fuck.
You’d been dealt this? Accept it. It could have been much worse than that. Why do you assume that it could have been only better? It’s ridiculous to assume it. Because what? Someone promised you something and you have the right to feel disappointed?
You could have never been born. In this alternative reality (in this perfect world which exists only in your entitled head) you could have never been born. Or you could have been torn to pieces by a hand grenade during Vietnam War or WWII (probably a different war).
Our plan that we will have a “good life” can fail.
Life is not good or bad. It just is. It’s a mix. Only we call the events in our lives good or bad (only we can label them this or that, depending on how they affect us). But objectively it is a mix of “good” and “bad” experiences (events) and we will never be able to have only good ones.
It’s better if we acknowledged the true nature of life and stopped being delusional. If we got rid of those unreasonable expectations that most of us have towards life (that there should / will be some idealistic order or harmony, peace and love all around us, lack of pain and suffering, etc.). If we do it, paradoxically we will be able to enjoy it a lot more.
The true nature of life (understood as the interval of time between birth and death) is that it is never 100% beautiful and cozy and hopeful and joyful and meaningful just as it isn’t 100% ugly and uneasy and hopeless and sad and meaningless or 100% average and boring and purposeless. It’s a mix of these and dozen of other things.
Those who, for whatever reason, have some idealistic (untrue) image of life often are disappointed with life. They have this idealistic, preferable image of life in their heads and can’t come to terms with the fact that the real image of life is different. They’re delusional. They suffer because they would prefer an easy life and, apparently, life doesn’t give a damn what they like or don’t like. Shit will eventually happen regardless.