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Who decides who fits in and who doesn’t? On being a misfit.

[ 4 min read ]

I don’t have a problem fitting in.

I know the majority of people have a different life philosophy, they approach life, career building, family differently, and they assume that the majority must be right. That so many people can’t be wrong. People have been doing it a certain way for ages. All this cliché, intimidating talk.

So what that they have been doing it this way for ages? Does it mean I owe it to them to validate their choices and their life philosophy

So what that they’re older than I am? Does it mean I owe it to them to validate their choices and their life philosophy so that they can feel at ease? So that they don’t have any doubts.

I’m entirely aware that those who do things differently (the rebels, the misfits) pose a problem for the majority, because the majority must face the reality that there are people who do things differently. And it’s possible. If it’s possible people who thought you can’t be different (that it would never work) are forced to see the fallacy of their thinking. Their assumption that in order to have a good life, in order to fit in, people need to mimic the majority (have a conventional approach to most things in life — be “normal”) has just been questioned.

I don’t have problem fitting in because I don’t assume the majority is automatically right and the minority automatically wrong. Neither do I assume the world is a place where the majority is allowed to feel at home and the minority must struggle with things like lack of acceptance or understanding.

The lack of understanding can go both ways. People who mindlessly follow the flock and assume that what they do is how it should be done can have a hard time understanding my life choices, but, and here is something most who struggle with acceptance don’t see, I (the one who is perceived as a misfit) can assume that what I do is how it should (or at least can) be done and have a hard time understanding the life choices of those who mindlessly follow the flock.

I can believe that the world is a place where people who never just mindlessly follow the flock have a right to feel at home too. That they have the same right to feel at home as those who do the conventional shit.

The majority has power because the misfits (who made the grave mistake of believing that they are misfits — they allowed the majority to decide who fits in and who doesn’t!) give them power. By thinking of themselves as misfits they give up power.

I don’t follow the flock but I don’t think of myself as a misfit. I fit in. I am convinced that I don’t owe it to anybody to do the conventional shit. Which means I am not a misfit.

If I felt like a misfit it would mean that I see the world as a place where everybody is supposed to do the conventional shit. And because I did / do things differently I don’t fit in here. What kind of nonsense is that?!

Who can prevent me from believing that I don’t owe it to anybody to do the conventional shit? Only if I believed that I owe it to the world to do the conventional shit would I feel like a misfit. Only then there is a reason to feel like a misfit. And if I believe that I don’t owe it to the world to do the conventional shit (because I believe that in this world all people living in civilized places can live their lives the way they want) fitting in ceases to be a problem.

They’re disappointed? I let them be. Struggle with it, motherfuckers! I don’t give a crap if what I do disappoints you. I don’t give a crap if what I do violates the norm. Those who violate the norm (who refuse to just mindlessly follow the flock) fit in.

I mean, who decides who fits in and who doesn’t in the first place? You see? That’s the key to realizing that being a misfit is a choice. Those who say that they don’t fit in, they choose to be misfits. They could start feeling OK with what they do in life. But they allow the majority to decide who fits in and who doesn’t. Isn’t it ridiculous?

What I am trying to convey here is that calling yourself a misfit (a round peg in a square hole) is not necessarily a good choice. It means that the world was created for square pegs and you, as a round peg, have a problem (you were meant for a different reality of the world — for the reality with round holes). What a horsecrap!
This is not true. But, since you believe it (you call yourself a round peg in a square hole), it ceases to matter if it’s true or not. It will haunt you. The idea will haunt you. You made it true (validated this horsecrap) in your head.