[ 3 min read ]
Diary of an artist, Saturday, July 13, 2019
Woke up 5:30 am
Pretending that we’re perfect human beings, meaning without any of the things we call our flaws, is ridiculous. Pretending that you are so called “normal” people and feeling proud because of it is ludicrous to me. It means you don’t get it.
If we had a choice everyone who isn’t “normal” (who has, what we called, “issues”) would choose to be “normal”. Sometimes we just can’t prevent shit from happening in our lives, and then this shit (this unfortunate thing, this unfortunate event) casts a shadow over our future.
If we had a choice everyone who has a family which is not “normal” (which has, what we called, “issues”) would choose to be in a “normal” family.
Being so called “normal” people living in a “normal” family is never something we can, reasonably, feel proud of. Thus being not “normal” people living in a not “normal” family is never a logical reason to feel embarrassed.
There are too many things which we can’t control. Especially the randomness of so called “bad luck”. The randomness of shit. What unfortune will happen to whom when.
The thing is “normal” and “weird” is only some convention we came up with. We noticed that some behavior or some situation is more common than the rest and this is what we called “normal”. Besides, through constant bombardment with certain messages we had been programmed to perceive the “normal” situation as desirable, and the rest as undesirable. This preference led us to believe that the “normal” situation is a healthy state, and that the rest is a sick state. Which is bullshit.
Who wants to be perceived as a sick individual? Who wants to be perceived as an individual belonging to some sick bunch (family)? Most of us want to think that we’re OK. Most of us would rather see ourselves as “normal” human beings (without “issues”) living among other “normal” human beings (in a “normal” family).
Calling something ‘normal’ (and something else ‘weird’ / sick) is not a crime. Nor is it, in and of itself, a bad thing (something which can cause us trouble). What can cause us trouble (and what causes us trouble) is the conclusion we usually (naturally?) come up with. We conclude that everything which we would describe as “sick” (not “normal”) is bad and shouldn’t happen to us, shouldn’t be part of our lives. In other words, expecting (hoping, wishing) that only “normal” things will happen in our lives and in our families. If it weren’t our expectation (hope, wish) would we be so anxious that it might happen to us, so afraid of it, and so astonished, downhearted, or even depressed, whenever shit happens in our lives? Whenever we discover that there is something about ourselves or our family which doesn’t qualify as “normal”.
I think this realization (that expecting that everything should be “normal” about ourselves and our families is a flawed concept) helped me the most. It helped me cope with some of the most difficult things (issues) in my life so far. Things for which some people would need years of therapy. It made me realize that being entitled to a certain kind of life (certain family) is ludicrous. Thinking that I have control over events of my life, and that I am responsible for how it all turns out is ludicrous. I can merely influence how it all turns out. We all can merely influence how it all turns out.
Music for this writing session: Max Richter (on spotify)