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Diary of an artist, Monday, September 16, 2019
Woke up 4:00 am.
Besides, moving scooters around the city is not my entire “career”. I’m doing much more with my life. What? I write, self-publish books, take photos and make other art.
Moving scooters around the city is only one part of it. It’s what I currently need to pay the bills and contribute to family budget, because in the current state of affairs I cannot not have a day job.
Thus thinking or saying that I am wasting my life doing dumb shit is like saying about Charles Bukowski that he sucked shit or ridiculing him because he didn’t have a more ambitious / prestigious job. He worked at the post office for a while. Apart from that he was a drunk and a womanizer. But, of course — I forget, he was Charles Bukowski. If you are Charles Bukowski then it’s different most people would say. Or if you’re Leo Tolstoy it’s different. Or if you’re George Orwell it’s different. Or if you’re James Joyce it’s different. Or if you are David Wojnarowicz it’s different. Or if you’re Chris Burden it’s different. Or if you’re Marina Abramovic it’s different. Or if you’re some famous musician or actor or inventor, it’s different. Their point is that with certain individuals (who are great artists, writers, talents, geniuses) it’s different. That you can’t compare yourself to those people. You don’t have the right to do that.
Generally speaking, if you’re anybody who was or is universally revered in the society (like van Gogh for example, or Marina Abramovic who is not as widely known as van Gogh, at least currently) you don’t need to worry about your life choices. You can do whatever the fuck you want with your life and nobody will say a word. Why? Because you’re famous and the society never judges famous people, especially if they’re great artists or writers. The society may still want to judge a certain famous person if he or she is a politician or a lawyer, or holds a certain prestigious position in the society (like a head of some church or something).
If you’re a famous artist or writer, or TV or YouTube personality (or generally, some kind of influencer known to a certain audience), then you need to really screw up for the people to want to judge you. Like when, for example, the information about your outrageous, unacceptable, deviant behavior was revealed. That for example you had sex with children, or that you killed someone, or that you abused certain people because your position of power allowed it. Then you will be judged. People will conclude that you crossed the line. Anything less than that (like not having a paying job at all, having debts, abandoning your family, being divorced 7 times, being an absent parent, not staying in contact with your kids, having one menial day job after other when it’s obvious that you could have a much better one if you tried, etc.) people will not consider a bad thing, or say that a “normal” person would never do that. Why? Because as a famous, extraordinary, eccentric person you, unlike the rest of people, have the right to do weird shit in your life, and nobody will see any problem with that. They will read with a great interest about your weird ideas, or behaviors, or choices, but will never even think about judging any of it. Why? Because you’re famous and with famous people it’s different.
Reading (since my last diary entry):
Voices From Chernobyl: The Oral History of a Nuclear Disaster by Svetlana Alexievich (15 min, on Internet Archive).
YouTube videos and movies (since my last diary entry):
You Might Want to Stop Shitting on TikTok
Imagine The Most Important Person to You Was Gone Tomorrow | DailyVee 577
Music for this writing session: Frédéric Chopin (on spotify)