This messes with many people’s brains
On self-doubt | 625

On being controversial | 626

[ 4 min read ]

Diary of an artist, Tuesday, January 21, 2020

#626 (countdown)

Copy of Copy of Copy of Adulthood smooth& tasty.

Woke up 4:40 am

Yesterday I didn’t publish anything because I thought that the thing I wrote a couple of days earlier which I wanted to publish on my blog yesterday wasn’t good. I thought that perhaps it isn’t thought out. I thought that perhaps it needed polishing. I thought that part of it (what I was about to publish) was perhaps too controversial. But I didn’t know for sure.

Why are certain things controversial? They are controversial when there is a certain way people look at things which fits a certain philosophy, a certain narrative which developed in the society and which is now present in the heads of the majority of people, and which the so called normal people aren’t supposed to question.

Like for example that a family means there is a married couple (people who have a family are expected to be married), or that husband and wife should sleep in one bed and have sex, or else there is something wrong with the family or marriage. Or that watching porn is a sign of deviancy (problem), or that it destroys relationships.

Those are the preconceived notions about the world and life. Those are things we should know and take for granted. And behind each thing there is a study. A study which shows clearly that the existing notions we ought to have are 100% legit. Which of course means that when you think differently you’re a broken human being (a deviant, or, to be more precise, a sick individual). And for such people we have special institutions, which purpose is fixing people or keeping broken people locked up. But, of course first (prior to sending someone to such institution or to a psychiatrist) we will try to fix such people ourselves. How? By constantly telling them that the way they look at the world is broken and that the way most people in a given culture look at the world isn’t.

Writing nonfiction is hard particularly for this reason. You want to write something but then you start to ponder how it sits with the current narrative in a given culture. Or if perhaps you didn’t go mad. If you beat the same drum, if you color inside the lines (think like the majority of people like you — coming from a certain culture) then nobody will tell you that you’re weird or crazy or dangerous. But if you questioned a long-standing belief, or a norm, a certain way of thinking and looking at the world, then most people (those who believe that people like you should think and behave a certain way) will be shocked. Maybe even outraged.

That’s why writing nonfiction is difficult. But of course you can choose to write the stuff which isn’t controversial. You can choose to toe the line, color inside the lines, beat the same drum the majority beats. Is there a point? I think there will always be people who want to read or hear the stuff they’re used to. Maybe they’ll appreciate some novelty once in a quarter of a century (something which doesn’t destroy their whole outlook on life), but otherwise they want to hear the same shit. Shit they know and already accepted as the truth. Stuff which is based on a study, but more importantly, which the majority of people take for granted.

Books I’m currently reading:

Oscar Wilde: A Life in Letters (on iBooks)

End of a Berlin Diary By William L. Shirer (on Scribd)

Never Can Say Goodbye: Writers on Their Unshakable Love for New York (on Scribd)

YouTube videos and movies (since my last diary entry):

Hitler’s Circle of Evil: Season 1: “The Rise and Fall of Reinhard Heydrich” (on Netflix)

The Crown: Season 3: “Margaretology” (on Netflix)

The Crown: Season 3: “Aberfan” (on Netflix)

The Crown: Season 3: “Bubbikins” (on Netflix)

The Crown: Season 3: “Coup” (on Netflix)

Gone Girl (on Netflix)

Hitler’s Circle of Evil: Season 1: “Rise of the Sychophants” (on Netflix)


What Is An Atom | Matter | Physics | FuseSchool

What Is an Atom and How Do We Know?

What Are Atoms Made Of?

What Is a Molecule?

HOW IT WORKS: The Atomic Bomb

Robert Rauschenberg interview (1998)

Aberfan The Untold Story

Robert Rauschenberg

Robert Rauschenberg | TateShots

Robert Rauschenberg at Tate Modern

Tradition is peer pressure from dead people!

Inside New York’s Art World: Robert Rauschenburg and Leo Castelli, 1977

W 6 LAT STWORZYŁ FIRMĘ WARTĄ 635 500 000 ZŁ — Dawid Zieliński | #005

The drawing advice that changed my life

PRL 1981 Wódka na kartki. Małpka i do pracy — za komuny było lepiej

17.06.1992 Pierwszy McDonald’s w Polsce

PL 1990.01.15 Zakupy. Drogi chleb i pralki. Poznań Taxi

PRL 1989 Kłopoty Fiata 126p Tajemnicze Cinquecento

PRL 1988 Kiedyś dzieci były inne?

Jak Pokonałem Najgorszy Nałóg Świata i Zacząłem Podróżować!!

Bezdomny Europy. Globtroter i poliglota.

Bill Murray Admits A Painting Saved His Life

PL 1990.02.06 Początek bezrobocia. Rocznica Okrągłego stołu.

Music for this writing session: A Rainy Day in New York (playlist on spotify)